Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Thank God


Everyone knows I’m not to religious, I really don’t go to church anymore, I don’t know any scripts from the bible, heck I barely know the story of Adam and eve but I do speak to him on my own time. The past few days I could not stop thanking him for the baby sleeping right next to me. Baby stellan has been in the hospital for the past four weeks, baby Maddie just past**Baby Thalon has also passed away (these are babies from other blogs that I read). You cant help but wonder why was I blessed with this baby girl?

Before I became pregnant with Isla I was pregnant with another child (Jr. as we called it). My mind could not come to terms with the fact that in 9 month I was going to become a mother. I was too young, I had just began going to the clubs, I didn’t want responsibilities. This was coming from the girl that LOVES babies, worked with kids and always hoped to be a mom. Eventually I started to accept it and looked forward to becoming a mother.

And then it all too soon came to an end. I went in for my 3 month check up and saw this lifeless baby floating in the sonogram. I felt as if I had failed the baby and God. I couldn’t believe how selfish I was. And now I had NOTHING!

I thought I was being punished. I thought He didn’t think I was ready to be a mother and took it away from me. And then I became pregnant with Isla two months later. I figured He was giving me another chance. Never in my life was I more grateful than the day she was born. He and I spoke like never before. I couldn’t stop thanking him for the gift He had given me. I promised Him I wasn’t going to let Him down.

I understand now that it wasn’t the baby’s time, for that matter mine either. He knows what he does and why He does it. I don’t know why the baby isn’t with me now. But I’ve learned now that you don’t question those things. He is my father there for He knows what’s best.

I do not know why I was chosen to be her mother but I know not to take it for granted. I have learned from my mistakes, He has forgaven me. I know now to never underapprecitate what is given to you for He know what he does.

My life has changed since the day she was born. Yes I don’t sleep anymore and I barely shower(If you know me, you know I’m not to fond of it anyway) but I’d loose a lifetime of sleep to have her by my side. Thank you God!

As for the babies, please pray for them and their families.

Ps. she’s four month as of Monday.

Baby Maddie, Stellan and Thalons blog-


Brandy said...

Thank you for your post. I also lost a baby before this one. And had to just come to terms with it was out my hands and there was a bigger plan than me. you are lucky to realize that gift you've been given.

Katie said...

What a beautiful post. You don't need to be religious to know Jesus and it is obvious you know him better than some who would call themselves religious. Thank you for sharing!